Here's some thing different to talk about, i know your all ready to hear some off the wall shit like "RAPE FETISH DONKY PROSTATE!"

but really i don't feel like a freak topic debate.

some things been on my mind lately and its a for letter word you all have heard before (90% of you thought "Fuck" 7% thought "Life" 2% might have said "Love" and 1% said "Jews"... you people know who you are -.-)

but yes in this segment i want to talk about love, emotions, feelings, compassion. there's more then meaning of love to me. I feel there are many meaning of love, and some times i get confused in these mixed up stages. funny is it not? we make the game, the rules, and the system, but we can never conform to our own image of perfection.

well lets start out with my 1st meaning of love

Love
-A
joy towards

like i Love blueberry muffins... i mean there awesome they put a smile on my face... they make me "happy" i mean i don't want to kiss them, stick my cock in them, or cuddle them up in bed... but they make me feel good. so i have set in my mind that muffins are good, there for i should have affection for them, but will this muffin love me back? I'm sure it wont unless its nutrients is its way of saying "i love you too".

Love
-B
Person / Emotions to

1. i love some people in my life like my best buddy Brad, I feel he is my brother of another blood. i do any thing for that guy. he has been there for me and i have been there for him. there is a respect between up a bond, and even though we fight or not get along some times we are happy when we spend time with each other. Brad has been on my mind alot. I have not talk to him in a while and i wounder if hes all right. If i lost brad i be very shaken
my love for brad is very odd at times but more most times its a very shared experience, we share the good times and let them roll. Brad Stevens where ever you are i hope you are alright man. - "A honored love"

2. another person i love is my Grandpa (pepa) wise in years, he is a hard working man with good morals. this man has taken a very crappy simple way of living and turned it around for the better. he has always taken care of his kin and put others ahead of him self. his name is bill cullop. this man is the pinnacle of selflessness... he not only gives to his own but to any one who needs it... i have literally seen this man give his shirt to some one else off his back. this man has giving to the point where he suffered for it. That is a love beyond words. - "A Giving love"

3. this person took me in when i had nothing, i was by my self and there was no one who cared for me. her name is Katlin "Kitty" Heart.
when i was homeless she took me in and took care of me, not knowing who i was or where i came from she showed me a love of compassion. she loved me not cus i could give her any thing but for the simple fact of helping some one. from her i learned to Give to others when they have nothing to offer, a small act of kindness can better the world. i left Kittie in D.C and i miss her very much. she is always on my mind and always in my heart. -"A Compassionate love"

4. This next person i don't like to talk much about but he should get the respect for so many thing. This next person is Franklin "mookie" Anderson. When i was in D.C he was my 1st friend... like in the whole fucking world. this guy took the time to get to know me and understand my way of life. We where two very different people. I was a white kid from the suburbs and he was a black kid from the projects. like a spoiled punk i was to him he was richer in ways i would never be... and that was love. his family cared for him and even though they didn't have the new and improved they where a family... see my family was broken in may ways... my mother left me at a very early age and my father was a dick. he remarried a twisted evil woman of hate called Linda... i hated her as a kid but this is not about hate its love...

mookie gave his own life for me. he got shot from a very angry kid in D.C. that shot was for me. i should have been the in the ground. not him. He loved me so much he took a bullet for me. People always say "I take a bullet for you dude!" but how many really do, and do they mean literal bullets? he sacrificed every thing for me and every day i have to live with the fact that his blood is on my hands this is a love i show for him its a painful love. -"A Painful love"

i know what your all thinking to your self... What does it all mean.

well the thing i want to point out is love is a very bleak emotion, Love... silly fore letter word of joy that brings sorrow where ever it trieds

with the muffin once you eat it... its gone...then your said you have no muffin, with brad i love him but when we fight it hurts to know i have angered a friend, my pepa will give to the point where he has nothing and that can kill a man. to give to other to the point where you cant provided for your self is very dangerous, Kitties love is complicated when i was with her she gave up so much for me, her compassion was not a weakness but it left her with less, cus of me she did not go to France to become a painter, she lost many of boyfriends cus of me and many days of her life what where hers but she gave to me cus my stupidity... she may never get that chance with her old life but that is the consequence that comes with compassion... with mookie he payed with his own life. this is self explained and now i am pained every time i think of the lost one from my life i will never get too see. just before he died he said he take a bullet for me and he asked "ash you do the same right?" i just laughed but didn't answer him... now i will never get to that is powerful guilt i will forever feel on that day. i mean he let out blood for me and i could not even let out air... selfish

love is pain - suffering - and struggle, and when you feel these things that's when you truly know you love some thing or some one

thanks for reading my jumbled mess of text i know you get a little insight on this and a little on me.